The last days

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The Last Days - 22 June 2008 Back to stories index

It has arrived quietly.
As usual it comes gradually and certainly.
There is no delay.

I am asking myself.
Why?
But there is no excitement at all.
Then there is another "why" for which I have to look back.

Life is no easy matter but it has never been full of bad luck.
It is rather a mix of so many things most of them quite unexpected.
Well, of course it is my point of view... .

I have seen and enjoyed great love and caring.
I have seen sad and sorrow as well.

Some images and sounds become settled down in a far corner of my memory or just disappeared altogether.
Others still make me feel like today.

What have I left? Wait, what I have been allowed to leave in those minds to come take over?
Some asked me time and again what did I have that could prove that I had something.
What was that?
No no, I have never got what you were asking; but I certainly have something that really makes sense and of good use.
Many a thousand great expectations were gone to nothing before something happened.

On one good weather day a person arrived from the south sea.
On the first sight I knew the person was living a similar life - so called "poor".
The person listened - I was in tears.

It was long long ago.
Right now I have no idea where the person is; it is not necessary to know anyway.
What matters now is that I believe the person is doing what there is to be done in the most suitable way available that the person could find and patiently wait for.
Yes I could imagine it might be even harder now than in my time.

People met and parted without a trace in my time.
We did not have phone or Internet.
We seldom wrote any either.

To start the story somewhere... it was a war that I fought believing I was on absolutely "right" side.
Only to find many years later that it was actually fifty - fifty or rather good for one and bad for another. Things changed, views changed.
There are a lot of "if" and "if not".
Some never happened and we were left with no evidence what would then be "if.. or if not....".
Love in which we always put our trust in also is "made" or "directed" sometimes but not never.
I still want to hope it is not yet that bad.

Then came many different lives becoming increasingly connected to each other.
Again and again those differences were often "used" to fulfill one's purpose, rather than create understanding.
I saw so-called great things happening all over for so many years only to finally find that some of them were actually based on fabricated and/or twisted information and (quietly) putting many many lives into disaster.
I also have seen something I have been believing as "truth" for half of my life suddenly became a "lie".

Understanding - why the simple word is so difficult to materialize in the real life?
One day I was in a desperate need of money and it was no where to find. Nobody would lend me a hand because my family had borrowed many times and never been able to return to the full. I for the first time prayed to the Buddha. It did not solve the money problem, but it did give me a surprised understanding. In the past I always looked low of people praying at the images as foolish and even stupid. But now I was doing it myself!

Yes it is not possible for one to live the many lives to understand each of them. But the collective knowledge would be very useful. We should give children opportunity to learn and understand different lives and cultures since the younger age. This learning opportunity should be for all and continuously for many years.

I used to travel, not thousands of kilometers like today travelers but tens of hundreds of kilometers in bus and on foot. These together with some reading at the later time added up my understanding of different people. But among two parties understanding by one side only is often not enough to solve the problem between them. Thus understanding should be education of the mass along with the act of travel made possible for as many people as possible.

The age of information is quite a strange thing for me since I just know the words "Internet", "world wide web" and never have any experience using them. It might be the same when talking about whether or not a piece of information is doing good or bad. Since I had to start working at the age of 14, and I only begun serious reading after 35 it looked quite late; but it was better late than never. So what does matter? My limited experience tells me that I need knowledge, openness (understanding of different views, again), seeing through the main and minor messages in the piece of information under question, who wrote it, as well as the volume allotment of the media to various views and so on. You should be less emotional, less judgemental, and if possible try to feel like you come from the space knowing no one in the world.

Wherever you are put at, whoever you are meeting, whatever situation you are assigned to, it should always be possible to find the best possible solution provided the good universal education is wide spread around the world. Since you will then be not alone who understands but there are many.

As soon as my economy allowed I started giving opportunities to under privileged people to discover and understand. That made me poorer in economy but richer in happiness. I also kept learning more and more.

Well, I am thirsty.
(drink water)
I want to walk to the jetty in the south of the town.. .
To see the boats and ships loading and unloading.. .
But my feeling is changed.. .
I feel like I am about to begin an ultimate travel of absolute adventure.. .
It is so great that it is non reversible.. .
I think I have no control over it.
But there is no fear in my mind.. .
... It might take me for eons of time to zettas of millions of kilometers away.... .

(silence)

I would miss all my friends.... . Where they are I know not.. .
Or I would forget them all and for good... .
After all, since the understanding, I have done the best I could till no more energy is left in me.... .
Yes no more... .

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